Some memories hurt
by Ebony Bluebell
Summary: After 'Be Okay' Carlisle fell deep into memory lane, and every memory hurt, because they were of his lost son. One-Shot


_Harry had locked himself in his room for days. I was getting scared now. I looked out the window to watch my two granddaughters building a snowman with Emmett and Rose. I sighed. Christmas was in a week. I heard Jasper gasp, and dash up the stairs, a smirk on his face._

_"Harry, please I know you're in there," He started. I groaned. Frozen was an obsession of all the girls.  
"People are asking where you've been  
They say, "Have courage," and I'm trying to  
I'm right out here for you  
Just let me in." Of all the people to sing 'Do you wanna build a snowman?', Jasper was the least expected.  
"We only have each other,  
It's just you and me." Liar.  
"What are we gonna do?  
Do you wanna build a snowman?" There was silence for a few seconds, before I heard Harry's door unlock and open._

_"'Asper, why would you wanna build a snowman with me? I'm a killer. I am the reason my parents are dead, Remus is dead, Hermione is dead, and countless others. Why would you wanna build a snowman with a killer?"_

_"Harry, you are not a killer. You are my baby brother." He whispered, and I could tell that Jasper had took Harry into his arms._

* * *

I collapsed to the floor as the memory hit me.

* * *

_"When did you first witness a death?" Was the question Harry had asked Bella. It didn't shock me, but the tone in his voice scared me. His voice was free of emotions._

_"I was seventeen."_

_"Bella, at that age, I was wishing people would stop dying. At that age I was engaged. At that age, I was in hiding."_

_"Sorry. What about you, who did you first witness, your parents don't count, as you don't remember."_

_"Professor Quirrel." He said it in the same emotionless voice._

_"How?" Bella asked, curiously._

_"I killed him."_

_"What? How old were you?"_

_"Eleven."_

_"Eleven? Eleven?" She asked, not believing him._

_"I have been watching people die since you were on the playground."_

* * *

The sobs shook my body, as the memories of my favourite son flashed before my eyes. I had my head in Esme's lap, and I could hear Jasper trying to talk to me, but I couldn't quite hear what he was saying.

* * *

_"Harry?" I asked as I approached him, slowly. He whimpered, before turning and curling into Jasper._

_"Please don't let him hurt me, 'Asper. I didn't mean it, I promise!" I heard the whispered plea. I stopped, and my heart shattered. My son was scared of me. I scared my son._

_"I won't let him hurt you, in any way." I heard Jasper tell Harry. Jasper glared at me, and I knew I had possibly lost my son forever._

* * *

The tears started rolling down my face as I cried for Harry. That memory would break my heart every time. It reminded me of the fact I was a monster. I was a monster that scared Harry. And Bella doesn't understand why we think we are monsters...

* * *

_"I know, but he asked, and I couldn't lie to him, because I want to keep his trust. I don't want you to be the only one he trusts." Jasper explained. I heard whimpering from Harry's room, and I heard Emmett go in._

_"It's okay, Jasper." I murmured, before standing up, and heading towards the child's room. When I reached it, he was curled in a ball, in the middle of the bed. Emmett stood in the doorway._

_"If I go any further, I'm afraid I'll push his boundaries." Emmett muttered, hurt in his tone. I nodded, before going forward, and cradling the boy in my arms._

_"Daddy?" The child whispered. My heart broke._

_"No, my child. It's Carlisle. Not Daddy." I whispered to him, my voice breaking._

_"Daddy." He whispered more firmly, clutching my shirt in his hands._

* * *

I smiled softly at the memory. I was his daddy. His daddy. I will always be his daddy. No matter what happens I will always be his daddy.

* * *

_Little eight year old Harry Potter stomped his foot, folding his arms across his chest, and glared at me._

_"Eat." Was his simple demand._

_"No." I told him._

_"Yes."_

_"I'm not eating."_

_"You must, otherwise, you will get sick."_

_"I won't become ill, Harry. I don't need to eat." I told him._

_"Yes you do, otherwise, you will look like I do, and that isn't healthy." He told me softly. _

_"Harry..." I paused, scooping him up into my arms. I sat him on my lap, "Harry, I don't need to eat food like you. I eat at night, when most people are asleep." I tried._

_"Like... uh... Ramadan?" He asked, his eyebrows knitting together._

_"Yes, but all year round."_

* * *

I sighed, and the tears starting rolling back down my face.

* * *

_"Hey James." I greeted, shrugging my coat off, and hanging it up._

_"Hey, Carly." He joked tiredly. I glared at him. He chuckled._

_"Hello, Lily. How are you?" I asked politely, ignoring James._

_"Better than expected. Harry doesn't cry through the night." She replied, smiling fondly when she spoke of Harry. She took my hand, and lead me through to the living room where Padfoot was sat on the floor, holding Harry. _

_"Hey, Sirius." I greeted him, as I sat down in the big armchair. The baby in Padfoot's arms opened his eyes, and he looked straight at me. His eyes found mine, and I gasped in shock. His eyes were a perfect copy of Lily's eyes. Sirius passed him to me, and the moment he was in my arms, I felt very protective, as if he was my own son._

* * *

"Grandpa?" A little voice got my attention. Her hand was on my cheek, her thumb softly stroking it. She shouldn't be seeing me like this.

"Grandpa, Daddy went to heaven to be with Mummy. He's happy now." She whispered, "He's okay. He's happy."

* * *

_"Daddy?" I heard Rosalie ask, as Harry went to leave her bedroom that night._

_"Yes, sweetheart?"_

_"You said Mummy went to heaven. You said it was the only way for her to get better, but you need her. She is the person that kept you alive, without her, you cannot be okay. You need to join Mummy in heaven. I know you can't come back, but I know, when I die, I will see you again. Please go to heaven."_

* * *

_AN: Please review, and I will reply to any questions, if you are not a guest._


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